Grandpa's Condoms

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Big enough to fit a Camel." -

Public Toilet.. :D

                                    

A man walked into a public toilet where he found two cubicles, of which one was already occupied.

So he entered the other one, closed the door, dropped his trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to him:

"Hello mate, how are you going?"

He thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude he replied

"Yeah, not too bad thanks."

After a short pause, he heard the voice again

"So, what are you up to mate?"

Unsure of what to say, he reluctantly replied

"Umm, just having a quick poo... How about yourself?"

He then heard the voice for the third time ......

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back . I've got some moron in the loo next to me answering everything I say."

Yankee Fan : Nice one

                                              

“I am a Yankees fan,” a first-grade teacher explains to her class. “Who likes the Yankees?” Everyone raises a hand except one girl.

“Janie,” the teacher says, surprised. “Why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“I am not a Yankees fan.”

“Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then what team do you like?”

“The Red Sox,” Janie answers.

“Why in the world are you a Red Sox fan?”

“Because my mom and dad are.”

“That’s no reason to be a Red Sox fan,” the teacher replies, annoyed. 

“You don’t always have to be just like your parents. What if you mom and dad were morons? What would you be then?”

“A Yankees fan.”

What's a bitch and a pussy?

                                        

 A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.

"What's a bitch and a pussy?"

"Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat."

The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad.

"What's a bitch and a pussy?"

Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy.

"Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"

How To Make People Happy..!!

                                          

One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.

Then, George Bush said, "If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"

Then Dick Cheney said, "Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"

Then Laura Bush said, "If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."

Then the pilot said, "Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

Funny Mental's.. ha ha ha

John and Smith were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.

Smith promptly jumped in to save him, she swam to the bottom and pulled John out.

When the medical doctor became aware of Smith's act, he immediately ordered his discharged as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Smith the news, he said : Smith, i have a gud news and bad news, the good news is that you are being discharged, because, since you were able to jump in to a swimming pool and save the life of another patient, i think you have regain your senses. and the bad news is that, Smith, the patient you saved hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom, i am sorry he is dead.

Smith replied,, ,, he did not hang himself, i put him there to dry!,

Read it..Just Awesome..

Read it..Just Awesome..

Once choosing the color of a sketch pen was a tough task.

Occupying the window seat in the school bus was called obsession.

Getting a toffee as a birthday treat from a friend made our day.

Being the first one to finish copying from the blackboard was the ultimate moment of pride.

Hiding the answers from a bench partner during exams was not called selfishness.

When homework was the only torture & finished it soon, so could get some extra time to play.

Early to bed, early to rise was life's mantra, but how we loved sleeping late and having some extra TV time!

Owning a cycle was like owning everything.

To look good was only to wear our favorite dress frocks for girls n half pants for boys.

We didn't need Facebook or a phone to keep in touch!

We thought all elders are ideal, when Daddy was the only hero and Mom was the only Best friend."

So what they say is right.

"Everybody dies twice. Once when their childhood ends."